The Cafe
by Dark Sadistic Angel
Summary: An odd Heero x perverted Duo random story. This is a very politically incorrect 1x2 & 5xM tale of a busy Asian cafe run by Meiran and her grandmother. Told mostly from the viewpoint of Wufei. Intention of humour. Do not read if easily offended .


An odd Heero x perverted Duo random story. Warnings: A very politically incorrect 1x2 & 5xM tale of a busy Asian cafe run by Meiran and her grandmother. Told mostly from the viewpoint of Wufei. (Intention of humour, not to offend. Please only read if not delicate).

The Cafe

By DSA

Down at the open road space where people mingled before the school gates, there was a cafe which was popular with the teenage crowd. It was not expensive, but had tasteful decorations and design that seem catered to more to the older, working generation than youths, although, for some odd reason, there was a big rubber dick the size of a grown man standing upright in the centre of the almost elegant cafe. Due to parental concern about the public impact of such an item- and rightly so, because it was a monster of a thing even without the over embellished veins and plastic hair that literally constructed a patchy hedge of a bush, there was a semi-transparent sheet thrown over the top of the huge dick.  
The owner of the cafe, an elderly Chinese lady who spoke no English- although it was some suspicion to whether she really could not understand English or not, had refused to get rid of the giant dildo-like piece, claiming through her granddaughter- who had acted as a translator to the initially shocked crowd on the cafe's opening day,-that the mock penis was a good luck charm that drove away evil with its one open eye. Meiran had translated Ron Shiran's sentences word by word, and the two had presented such a stony, serious face when speaking of their faith that no one dared to question it.  
Wufei Chang- or simply Changie to most, worked quietly the registers at the cafe, still at times would quirk a smile to himself at the fact that in a few weeks after the opening, the general public after much fuss, had settled down and came to accept the odd as the norm quite quickly. It said a lot for the bored nature of society's people, without any words.  
After a while, it became a matter of pride for the town. The crowd's agreement to leave the plastic dick alone after that spoke volumes about how understanding the small town was about cultural understanding. The town, and its proud mayor, from that moment on always pointed to the incident as a shining example of how international the area was, and how welcoming it was to other cultures and beliefs.  
Even if the belief was based on a load of utter bullshit conjured up by an old batty lady with a screwed up sense of humour.  
Permission to immigrate to the land of the free, in her days, had not come with a psychology test. Then again, a great many people of all nationalities had bypassed the borders without it. Perhaps it was this historic flaw which actually contributed to the real reason why such an absurdity existed, forgiven by the small town.  
There was another part-timer there at the Cafe. Unlike the other three full-blood Chinese, the other boy was a bastard mix of Japanese and nobody knew what else. With his stony face, it was a bit unsure how the waiter really felt most times. During the initial ruckus of small town gossip when the youth first arrived- not too many 'slanty eyes' had irises the colour purer than that of nature's own dawn's sky-, the boy had undergone the disapproval and dirty jokes of the crowd with a walled defence far better than the wall of China. His old name, "Heero Yuy", also was perfect material for jokes. His maturity in handling the initial jeers could be said to have led to the gradual acceptance of the mixed Asian boy, but it was actually his looks in the end, despite being the cause of his initial outcast status, that made him accepted amongst the snobby teenage population. Good looking, after all, was good looking. It certainly wasn't his personality that charmed people since he had none.  
Or at least, none that he showed any humans.  
Wufei had caught him once feeding a white, scruffy young pup that he had observed as becoming an almost constant nightly ghost at the backdoor of the Cafe's kitchen. He didn't bother mentioning it to the other two. Both Meiran and Ron Shiran always chased the puppy away on sight. He preferred cats but didn't mind the stray, young canine- normally. On the few dark nights when he had to take out the garbage and stepped in dog shit, he would change his mind.  
But despite his aloofness, or maybe because of it, Heero had many distant admirers.  
And some not so distant ones, like a stalker that would send him anonymous pink letters written in beautiful, cursive handwriting. It always came in a perfume scented envelope, with Heero's name gilded in gold on it. The envelope would be left stuck on the Cafe's rubber penis, on time for Heero's shift. Heero usually picked it up on his way in and would throw the envelope in the bin without looking at it. He did that with all the letters and gifts he received from his admirers. Wufei had initially thought it rude of Heero as if he'd received a letter, he would at least read it. It wasn't like he was envious of Heero for receiving love letters- he was an engaged man, abide not by choice to Meiran, so it didn't matter that he received none at all. But after retrieving and opening one of the pink letters, he could understand why Heero chosen to depose of letters immediately instead. The lines contained within the letter were, granted, very erotic and passionate, but also somewhat disturbing. They were the sonnets of a very mad lady, and he had the misfortune of noticing the signature below.  
Since then, every time he served the very popular cheerleader, Relena Peacecraft, he was careful to keep his distance. It wasn't like he was scared of a woman- that would be ridiculous and unmanly of him, but he believed in exercising caution. Heero would continue in his work, seemingly obvious to the attention. Once his shift was over, and he bid everyone a good night, he would, however, disappear immediately. Literally. Wufei didn't know how Heero did it, but one moment the teenage youth would be nodding a goodbye, and the next moment, there would be nobody at the back door exit.  
It explained why all his letters from admirers were delivered to the Cafe. Nobody knew where Heero lived. And the boy's well placed paranoia ensured it remained that way.  
One day, the ranks of Heero's admirers increased.  
Wufei could tell this as all who fell in the category were always seated in section one, where a semi-clear view of the kitchen when Heero worked could be had by the customers.  
It was usually full of females, until the new arrival came. Last month, a young teenage boy had taken to sliding himself within the back booth of section one, which had been the only seat left empty. It was the one closest to the toilet, by the kitchen's side, and was actually a table which seats were in need of repair. The cheap red plastic of the booth had been sliced by some bored customer's pocket knife about three weeks from the opening, and Ron Shiran was too cheap to be bothered replacing it. It wasn't a popular spot. In addition to slashed plastic seating, the booth had a dirty, scratched mirror instead of a window despite its position against the side of the wall, so all the usual customers migrated well away from it. Since the lighting for the table was also quite horrid and was the dimmest corner, the fact the boy chose it each time he entered the cafe was suspicious. Even if there was empty spaces in better locations in section one, he would chose it. Probably because he was trying to hide as much as possible. The boy, after all, was the only male in section one. If someone with long, plaited hair could be called a male.  
The bell jingled. Wufei sniffed as he saw the other boy come in the door and make his way towards the dark section. He stepped before the boy, forcing the other youth to pause nervously.  
Without changing expression, he spoke. 'Same order? Special Grande Coffee?'  
'Uh, yeah, if you could, please.'  
Wufei then stepped aside, allowing the other boy to escape to the dark corner. Wufei went to the coffee machine and began the process of making the grande size cup. Filling up the large cup, he then walked over to the table and set the cup down.  
'One Special Grande Coffee.'  
'Thanks,' the long hair passed him a five dollar note. 'Keep the change.'  
Wufei nodded and left for the register to calculate and take his share of the payment. It was just under a two dollar. Not much, but considering the fact the boy came every day and gave him the same amount each time, Wufei was starting to collect together a nice small bundle of change. But he didn't understand why the boy came to moon over Heero. He'd clearly had no chance. Outside of being the wrong gender, his crush, Heero, was simply not interested in any other human being. Even the act of masturbation would probably have the same chance of romance occurring with Heero. Nill.  
Speaking of masturbation...  
He nearly rolled his eyes when the long hair boy set aside his school bag to the outside area of the booth. It wasn't generally visible, but from his upraised platform behind the counter register, he could see exactly what the boy was doing in the reflection of the booth's wall mirror. It reminded him to wash his hands after handling the cash received. He crossed over to the kitchen area, where Heero was washing dishes. With a grunt, he elbowed Heero out of the way of the sink. Heero grunted back, but moved away absently.  
'Is there anything wrong?' Wufei glanced at Heero.  
'Hmm? No. Nothing. Just...'  
Wufei followed Heero's line of vision.  
'Oh.'  
From Heero's kitchen position, he had a clearer view than Wufei had at the front.  
'Is it acceptable for him to do that?'  
'No. It's illegal actually. At least in public spaces.'  
'Hn...? Then why is he always...'  
'Why are we letting him? He pays us money, and since he's being discreet about it, he's not bothering any other customers. Why does he do it? Well, I guess it feels good for him.'  
'Ow' came a sudden howl. It was from the back table. In glance, Wufei took in the situation. The hot coffee the boy had ordered had split onto his lap, and the boy was now doubled up.  
'...or maybe not.'  
He started to move to the table, but Heero was there before him. The two stood up, and Heero helped the customer to the nearby toilet. Wufei shrugged. Heero would take care of it. He dried his hands and moved back to the register. It was thankfully a quiet period. None of the regulars had yet dropped in, so the place was now empty of customers. He took out a crossword puzzle magazine from under the register and flipped to a new page. Minutes later, he was absorbed into the puzzle.  
It was a whining at the back door that alerted him to a new presence. Wufei snapped out of his mental thoughts at the sound.  
'Heero- your dog!' he barked to the kitchen.  
Then he realised there was no one in the kitchen. He glanced up at the clock then frowned. It was going to be the busy time soon. With it, Meiran would come down, and the puppy had to be gone by then. Otherwise, his canine-hating financee may make good on her constant threats to place it on the menu.  
'Heero? Heero, what the hell are you doing? You're not still in the toilet, are you?' He moved towards the area.  
A flurry of activity occurred as the toilet door burst open. A red-faced long hair boy dashed by him, grabbing his bag from the seat as he did. The long hair boy seemed to be limping, but nevertheless, was quite fast as he exited the cafe. More leisurely, holding a first-aid box and a tube of some cream in hand, Heero exited the small room without expression and placed the items under the kitchen sink.  
'He left his wallet and house keys. Tell me when he comes back. I'll be holding his things for him.'  
Heero patted his back pocket, then walked over to the refrigerator. He lifted out an unlabelled container. It was the one he kept scraps in for the dog.  
Wufei grunted in response and continued working at finishing off the crossword puzzle. With glee, he finished off the last two questions just as the bell rung announcing the start of the busy period.  
Time usually disappeared fast during the periods where there were too many people in the cafe for his comfort. Until the duration at the peak where Meiran would come and screeched at him, supposedly to help out, but Wufei had the feeling of the opposite. Thankfully, the torture of being under her bossy leadership had ended at ten, when Meiran would retire from the cafe. Unfortunately, with his impending marriage to her, the torture of being with her would never end until his death, but he was appreciative of the brief break nevertheless. He could almost swear, if he didn't know that Meiran hated him, that Meiran was deliberately always wearing waitress outfits with miniature skirts to drive him crazy. He was a man, after all, and the sight of all that flesh exposed made him react in extremely... well, manly ways because he was a man, damnit! Not because he was a pervert. Wufei swore as he realised recalling the sight of Meiran's thighs made him miscount the day's cash intake, and he had to start again. It was becoming an all too common, repeated mistake. He looked up to the ceiling and sighed. Wufei caught sight of a shadow outside the entrance of the shop.  
'Heero!' he called out. 'I think that guy's back.'  
A grunt sounded. Then Heero appeared out of the kitchen with the white puppy in his arms. Wufei blinked at the sight.  
'What's the mongrel still doing here? Did it come back?'  
'It only disappears when either Meiran or Ron Shiran is around. It is not unintelligent.'  
'I don't mind it being around here, but if the womenfolk find out...' Wufei shook his head. 'It needs to find a safer place to call home.'  
'And that it will have.'  
The half-Asian walked over to the front door. Juggling the puppy in his arms, he unlocked the door and pulled it open with a jingle of bells. The long hair youth stood blinking in surprise at the entrance.  
'Duo Maxwell, correct?'  
'Yes...?'  
'Here.'  
Heero disposed the puppy into the other youth's arms. Then he withdrew a wallet and keys from his backpocket. Stepping into Maxwell, Heero wrapped his arms around the long hair boy and then very neatly shoved the wallet and keys into the boy's back jean pocket. The mixed Asian boy then leant his head down near Maxwell's ear, and Wufei nearly thought that the other Asian was just about to kiss the American's neck, since their exact pose was like a horrible scene out of a romance movie.  
'I'll see you and the dog later,' Heero said in an utter monotone. 'Take care.'  
Then Heero stepped back and closed the glazed front door in the other boy's face. The click of the door being locked up again coincided with the dropping of a bag of coin from Wufei's slack hand. The clang brought him back to earth regarding his duties. Luckily, the bag did not split, Wufei noted after a quick observation.  
He then looked back to Heero. He'd leave counting out the day's earnings until later.  
'What are you doing with that public wanker?' Wufei questioned bluntly.  
Heero shrugged and made his way back to the kitchen.  
'Be his fucker,' he stated blandly, without expression, as if Heero was conducting polite, boring conversation with Wufei.  
Wufei was struck initially speechless before he managed to express his surprise.  
'Didn't know you were that way.'  
'I keep it under wraps.' Heero then glanced over his shoulder, back at the awful giant replica of a penis in the room's centre. 'Some new supplies are in the docks. Ron Shirin called before and said we need to reorganise the boxes of ammunition in the inner compartment of the penis's right ball, to make space for four cartons of dynamite sticks that's coming in. They'd be dropping it off before close of the second shift in the morning. Do you think there's enough space?'  
'There should be enough. We've just sold the specialised mini-canon that was in the centre shaft, and there's also extra room above. We can fit the cartons in the tip of the penis or the base of the penis, if it can't fit in the ball area. There's no more large specialised orders coming in, is there?'  
Heero nodded.  
'Only small stock. Digitised timers and gears. No large weapons for this month.'  
'Good. It's always hard fitting those specialised items in the shelf space we have. I'll do the shelf reshuffling tonight. You can leave early.' Wufei coughed. 'The puppy might miss you... being in a new home, and all.'  
Heero smiled one of his rare smiles at Wufei. It was very rare because Wufei had never seen it before.  
'Thanks.'  
Then the other disappeared out the backdoor, performing his usual nightly vanishing trick. Wufei reminded himself not to do Heero any favours again. He didn't want to see Heero smile again. Wufei was not weak... but the smile of Heero's was a damn terrifying expression. With a shudder, Wufei made himself recall pleasant thoughts to calm himself. The memories of Meiran's thighs came to mind, and with it, other, more favourable images- although those images weren't exactly memories. Wufei took a brief detour to the toilet to distress himself even more, and then resumed his work.  
Although the cafe did not operate twenty four hours a day, it did operate in the early hours of the morning, however the operations were split into two, distinct shifts and businesses. Since he had taken care of the coffee business that ran during the normal civilised hours, Ron Shiran would be in later to conduct the arms trade business that ran during the early morning hours after midnight, and before dawn. Work, work, work. The cafe was a busy place.

Fin.

DSA


End file.
